What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
