I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize