You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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