I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm really busy with my period
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