That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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