we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
