Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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