Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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