We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
