My entire life is one complicated drinking game
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
