oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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