I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
