wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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