Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
