A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
