The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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