Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
