barbara walters just said penis...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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