Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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