I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
