Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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