Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
