woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
