i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
