you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
