she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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