Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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