you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
