So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
