she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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