At least make sure they are 18
Why
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
