i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
