i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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