did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
