they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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