In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
