My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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