she woke up with a sticky ear
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
