And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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