i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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