I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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