i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
