69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
