just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
