haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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