Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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