When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize