just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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