I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
