Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
