You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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