i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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