ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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