Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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