I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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