Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
