return my video game
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
