Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
