If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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