Ambien. No doubt about it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
