i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
