idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
