she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize