Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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