Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
two words...techno handjob
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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