You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
