Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
