I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
