Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
