Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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