Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
