at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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