Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hippo gnu deer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
