i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
