i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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